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If Your Child Is Born on 06-06-06
A Checklist For Christian Mothers
Freehold, Iowa - A number of panicked Christian ladies across America are scheduled to give birth on June 6th, 2006. This date raises concern among church members since the numbers of that day also identify the son of Satan, the “Beast” from the book of Revelation. No decent, Christian family wants the little red bottom of the devil’s spawn perched on a limb of their family tree, taking a dump on the branches below, much less sitting in a high-chair at the dinner table listening in on family prayers while quietly finalizing plans to sodomize mommy with the family vacuum. As such, Landover Baptist Creation Scientists have put together a checklist of recommended actions one should take if their baby is being born or was born on 06-06-06.
Is My Child The Devil’s Son?
A Checklist for Christian Mothers1. Ladies, keep your legs crossed until after midnight. A True Christian™ lady always keeps her knees together—and June 6 is no time to stop. As your demon child willfully pushes and kicks, causing your lady hole to dilate to the size of a drainage pipe, keep your knees locked together at all times. This will give your demanding child a wonderful, early lesson that he can’t always have his way. To underscore this valuable disciplinary message, as the devil child flops around, trying to claw its way out to the human world to do Lucifer’s bidding, continue to warble in a loud voice, “La la la la la la la I CAN’T FEEL YOU!”
NO it didn’t take 24 hours...seven was more than enough for Hollywood hellraiser Kiefer Sutherland.
Movie heart-throb Kiefer, 39, who stars in the hit thriller series 24, was laid flat-out on his back on the floor of a hotel lobby after a marathon booze bender with pals.
Moments earlier Sunday Mirror reporters watched in amazement as he charged into a 12ft Christmas tree, sending it crashing to the floor. The party was finally called off at 5.30am by hotel security - when guests starting arriving for BREAKFAST.
...
At 2am bar staff refused to serve any more alcohol. Undaunted, Kiefer persuaded management to let them loose in the lobby.
He ordered yet more booze on room service, then staggered around the entrance hall, entertaining pals with a bizarre, flailing breakdancing routine.
It was then that a huge Christmas tree caught his eye.
“I hate that f***ing Christmas tree,” he declared. “The tree HAS to come down.”
Kiefer warned staff: “I’m smashing it - can I pay for it?”
A staff member replied: “I’m absolutely sure you can, sir.”
The video:
Michelle Rodriguez has been released from jail. Again. Some of you may remember she was arrested in Hawaii for DUI, for which she spent a handful of days in jail. Turns out she was on probation when that happened. As a result, she was sentenced on May 22 to 60 days of hard time here in Los Angeles.
Her term began today. And it ended today. After serving 20 minutes of her 60 day jail sentence. Why? Overcrowding.
“Needless to say, our prosecutors are not happy about this,” says a spokesperson for the L.A. City Attorney’s office. “But the sheriffs have a policy to let some nonviolent offenders go early, in part due to jail overcrowding.”
Oh Michelle, you lucky devil you! Lets hope you’ve learned from your mistakes, and you go on to bigger and better things. Perhaps a return to The Fast and the Furious? Part 4 - The Faster and the Furiouser?
Game 4 between Lakers and Suns: crazy. Leave it to Kobe to make the game winning shot right at the buzzer, in overtime. Of course, for every 1 game winning shot that he has made, he has missed about 3. Lakers are up 3 games to 1. They’ll probably win the first round, but I doubt they’ll make it through round 2.
Apparently those pesky Nigerian email scammers/spammers have an annual gathering in the form of an Email Conference.
Some of the scheduled events:
From abcnews.com:
Vice President Dick Cheney says he was looking at his notes, not sleeping, during a briefing by President Bush and Chinese President Hu Jintao in Hu’s first Oval Office visit.
A blog of all things moderately uninteresting and irrelevant, written by a genius web auteur living in Southern California.
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